Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
