i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
