Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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