I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
