hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
