My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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