Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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