wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
