I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
