Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
