He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
