im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
