I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
