There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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