I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
