wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
