my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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