i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
