If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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