trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
