it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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