Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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