She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
