I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize