Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
