i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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