dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
