Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
