Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
