My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
