We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
