Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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