The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
