I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
