So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
