the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
