I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
