why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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