"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
