Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
