Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
