I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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