So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
