Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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