I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
