Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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