you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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