does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
