I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
