Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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