it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize