His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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