1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
