The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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