Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
