***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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