I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
