I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
