make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
