i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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