I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The best revenge is premature balding
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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