Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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