Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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