Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
