I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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