i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
