If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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