You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
