U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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