well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
